We got back to Indy just in time to go to hear Glennon Doyle Melton speak downtown at a benefit for the Project Home Indy. I discovered Glennon's blog momastery.com this year and she recently released her new book Carry On, Warrior. Both are fabulous. I was beyond thrilled to get to hear her in person today.
As soon as she finished they whisked her away to go to the airport and I was a little disappointed that they wouldn't get to meet her in a book signing. We walked outside to go to our car and Glennon's van was parked beside the sidewalk. Someone had stopped her to take a picture and slowly a crowd was forming hoping she'd take just one more picture. After about four photos she looked at the large crowd of hopeful looking women and said, "Ok, we're just doing this." She put her purse in the van and met every single person. I got to take my picture with her and she signed my book.
We think she probably missed her flight, but how cool that she was willing to do that because she knew all these women wanted to meet her face to face. That's awesome.
Whenever I hear someone speak I try to write down as much of what they're saying as possible because I don't want to miss a thing. Here is some of what I got:
It's always the 4th quarter. It doesn't matter what happened in the first 3. All of that can disappear. You come out swinging in the 4th quarter and people will love you. Come out, throw a hail marry and the people will cheer.
You're enough just as you are.
I LOVED the mental institution. At my HS people were mean and we were learning about things like geometry. At the mental institution we learned to love one another. To listen. To be brave. It made sense to me. But they wouldn't let me live there forever.
I learned I had to show up just as I was. I was just gonna do the next right thing. And those next right things can add up to a pretty great life.
Letting shame rule your life is like letting the tooth fairy rule your life. They're both made up. You can choose to live outside of it. You can't let it swallow you up. The past is done and over and you are forgiven.
What if these feelings we all have are guides rather than something to numb or get rid of?
My loneliness is the reason why I write. When I hear your story and you hear my story it makes me kinder and braver. I'm a raging introvert but I'm making all these connections and relationships with women like you online. These are real friendships.
I think that the people we're jealous of are the people who are doing what we want to. I used to not read the books of authors I liked because I was so jealous. I finally realized that I needed to start writing.
I don't do advice... ever... but I'm going to give some today. This might be a horrible idea...
First I think we need a definition of parent: someone who keeps showing up every day because they love their kid... also, not every day
1. We need to stop trying to be the best at anything and we need to stop telling our kids to be the best.
Craig and I want our kids to be average. We tell them, "All you have to do is show up. Be really kind so you can see people for who they are. Be brave enough to let people see who you are. And then rest."
We don't need more kids who are AWESOME at something. We need more kids who are really kind, brave and know the next right thing to do.
Craig and I are doing really well with all of this lately. Our kids are all average or just right below.
2. There's no such thing as a great day with kids.
Lower your expectations significantly. There won't be a great day... In my head that sounded so inspirational.
We've just got to grab a couple good moments for the day.
Let's have no more mommy guilt about TV. Let's save everyone some tears and turn on Good Luck Charlie. Parenting young children without TV is like getting a root canal and refusing Novocaine. No awards are coming for you. No kid has ever become a serial killer because they watched too much PBS as a kid.
Q and A
I handle turbulence like criticism. It used to totally freak me out but now I understand that it's a necessary part of the journey. Some people are mean because they're jerks. Sometimes people are mean because I've been a jerk. The point is that I don't have everything together or figured out and my life is messy--but I still show up.
Writing is like a therapy session with no experts involved.
I don't compare myself to my friend Kelle. She's this Pinterest mom and I'm the farthest thing from that. Instead of comparing myself to her I just use her. Last Christmas I took my kids to her house all the time. She makes reindeer food. And stockings with glitter. She puts Christmas lights on wagons. My kids had a great Christmas because of her.
The rejection of life is better than not allowing yourself to be rejected at all.
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